#covid19 – inside her broken mind

Inside her mind

The week that just went by made me want to throw in the towel. I’ve gone through a whole roller coaster of emotions. I was angry to the point where I became silent. Then I was crying for two consecutive days cause I had lost a colleague, and then I smiled and celebrated with my friend. I real roller coaster.

I never imagined that when I graduated university I would face a pandemic and one of this nature. I use to read books about outbreaks of diseases and how those persons had to fight. I never imagine this would be my reality too.

I didn’t know that in this 21 century where deem ourselves well advanced in technology and knowledge a virus would send to our knees.

I cry because I am human, I have emotions and I am hurting. I live for the day I can step outside smell they fresh air and feel the cool breeze on my face, but as I look at I see that reality escaping us.

My heart aches but I remember God’s words. If it were in this life we had hope we would be men most miserable. I take comfort in God and his word.

Inside the broken mind of a Nurse.

Death Took You Away From Us

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I woke up this morning hoping to hear the best for my Best cause we knew how much she was fighting… But we lost her. My heart is broken cause I consider how much of a beautiful person you were how your laughter made us laugh and just how real you were.

I remembered one of our recent, light conversation when you said your birthday was coming up. So we asked about your child and in our dialect you said “Inna mi husband back”. I chuckled so hard then you said “Johnson don’t be like me get married and have children” and responded “honey you have a long wait” and we continue on with our conversation.

When you got sick I thought you would be down for a day or two, and you would come back, telling us about your experience and we would get an insiders story and how it was for you. But death took you away. So here we are again, with broken hearts trying to figure out the next move like how do we look across the room now with the expectations that you will be there and not see you? Who do I pass on corridors and greet by play your names?

I hope you knew you were loved and hope you knew we never stop praying and hope your soul found rest.

Death broke us today

Words that matter

Death broke our hearts today. Sleep in peace.

I’m sorry that you are having difficulty breathing.I see how hard you have been trying and inspite of all the medical intervention it remains the same and can see the fear in your eyes as you get worst.

I’m sorry you are so restless thinking that if you close your eyes now then you will never get to open them again.

I’m sorry that you have to be locked away on an unit isolation and because of that you cannot see your family and cannot see ypi either. I’m sorry they cannot hold your hands and lay on your chest and reassure that you are loved. I become your medium of communication for now. I’m sorry that you are struggling to complete your sentences to convey your messages, but I’m patient so I stay and listen awhile as you gradually compose it.

I’m sorry that you have reverted to a baby stage of using a diaper again and even though I’ve reassured you a thousand times that its fine and I will change you when needs be and you’ve done nothing wrong I watch you cry.

I’m sorry that your strength is fading and i can see it in your eyes how weak and worn you are but you still fight.

I’m sorry that you took your very last breath today I was waiting on you to start breathing on your owe again, i was waiting for your family to hear you are making improvements, i was waiting on you to say to me you were feeling better, I was waiting on you to laugh like you use to and I was waiting to see that radiate smile I had been accustomed to, shine again.

I’m sorry you couldn’t hold on a bit longer to see your sons and daughters give your grandchildren. They’ll never know to joy of laying on your bosom that some how seems to have magical power making them find rest in your owe unique way.

Im sorry that death is a part of us and that you had to trod that road so fast.
Death broke us today we mourn you sweet lady.

Its 14 days until Christmas!

#christmas

“Its the most wonderful time of the year” we are in the in the Christmas season and I am really excited about it. Although some of our traditions will not be done this year I am indeed grateful. Christmas holds different meaning for everyone as for me, its when we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Yes of course I do enjoy the festivities the season as to offer as well, but celebrating Christ birth supercedes all.

Let’s talk about one of the traditional events that Jamaica is known for, maybe mostly by the citizens, but why not share? So Grand-market is one of those things almost everyone looks forward to. At this time, the streets main cities throught all fourteen parish, are laden with vendors. These vendors rangers from selling food to clothing, just a long variety of things. That this time persons try to dress dapper and chic as possible. This is also a time when you get to go out with friends and family, staying out, buying a lot of things, especially toys if you have children and basically whatever floats your boat.

This will not be the case this year,as social distancing needs to be done in order to flatten the curve. But there are so much to be done. Like getting a Christmas tree, ensure presents are well stock underneath it, if you are into that. Help out a neighbors who is in need. You can even save that money. Most of all spend sometime with Jesus.

Christmas is not over because we cannot go out or travel, this is you chance to be innovative, making some new that can possibly live on for generation to come.

The wait

Words that matter

Just like that an ordinary Monday morning becomes one of the worst day of your life! I have always been anxious when someone says “we need to talk” or “I have something to tell you”. Then you have to wait a very long time to actually hear what they have to say. That was exactly what happened to me on Sunday night into Monday. Being told someone needed to speak with me “urgently” and I had to wait eight (8) long hours before hearing. So I had to sit, and constantly go through the archive of my mind, retracing my steps to see where I went wrong or messed up

The Nightmare Begins

It was about 7:35am Monday morning when I got the awful news. As the ICN revealed the “urgent” news I stared at her in awe. Too shocked to move and no words to speak. The very thing I dreaded was now in my very lap. The apologies came,but for me it was utterly meaningless brcause apologies cannot erase or undo what had been done. The game plan I had for this situation had not yet been fully completely and as such i had to reorganize my plans to facilitate this misfortune.

The Waiting Game

The wait begins now, as I make my daily dairy log. Checking my temperature and for any symptoms that may develop. Anxiously awaiting my swab date, to undergo a procedure I have always dreaded. But I trust God who is the author and finisher of my faith.