Just a little broken… Sometimes hurt people unintentionally hurt other people. Give it sometime.
I have been a little sad recently to the point where I have basically stopped talking a lot. I know what the power of a good talk can do, but sometimes its hard to put your emotions and thoughts into words that will be effectively conveyed what I’m feeling.
In the last two to three weeks I have cried a lot for no apparent reason. I have laid in bed crippled by many thoughts which cause me to delaying many things because I was not in a good place.
If you feel like im a little distant I may be. But just give me some time, be patient with me a little while longer. I’m just a little broken.
So years ago while in college this guy started pursuing me. I really didn’t want anything to do with a relationship I wanted to finish college and to be having a relationship would be a distraction.
I made that clear, but he continued and gradually I started liking him back. He had ask me several times to be his girlfriend and my answer was a strong no. Then when I had fallen for him and he asked again a said yes.
I remember having a major exam about a week after saying yes to this guy. I was super anxious about this exam, which he knew of course. A day before the exam he calls me up and said “I think I ran ahead of myself I don’t want a relationship with you anymore”. I said ok.
On the day of my exam was thinking about my exam and the this guy and I felt this tension building up in my head. I stopped reading, knelt infront of my father and asked him to pray for me and he did. I went through my exam and did very well. When I got home I cried. I cried not because of him not wanting a relationship with me, but because I felt like I had let myself down.
I have always been someone who guards themselves very well so as to not get hurt and the moment I let my guard down this happened. I remember telling myself this will never happen again.
Why am I reflecting on this now? A couple days ago some one said, some times we need to get away and cancel the noise. This really hit home for me, because I recognize that this guy had been my noise. Because of him I had put barriers in place to prevent any other guy hurting me. I loathe him for betraying my trust and ruining our friendship.
But I have learned that canceling the noise makes you feel so much better and free.
Give yourself time to heal. The hurt doesn’t go away all together in a blink of an eye but with time it gets better. Give yourself time to be happy. Enjoy every moment life has to offer sometimes we get too distracted by the woes that we fail to appreciate the beautiful moment life has to offer. Give yourself time to understand. Sometimes we want to have everything figured out all at once when in fact we just need to understand what is going on now.
Give yourself time to entertain peace. Arguments will arise but learn how to walk away or not react to everything. Give yourself time to grow. Seek to improve yourself try always to be better than you were yesterday, or a year a go. Water yourself with knowledge, experience (as the present themselves) and with new and innovative things.
Give yourself time to sip a good cup of tea. It can help you to relax and as you relax enjoy a good book or good company.
Give yourself time… Because waiting is always better than being wrecked.
Growth is never easy, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Its in the growing process you recognize who you are, and what you are really made of. The process towards your growth can be rough, but the harshness of it helps to refine you.
Do not be weary….
Don’t be discouraged when the pressure of the process starts piling on, its teaching you resilience. When you are knocked off your feet and to your knees, that’s how you know your knees know how to keep your head above the waters (pray). When failure waltz itself into your direction, be the better dancer. Never crumble, Never fold! Be so aggressive in your move that failure cannot keep up with your pace.
Watch yourself grow, overcoming hurdles after hurdles, victories after victories. Now watch as you make other aspire to be the best version of themselves.
Growth is never easy…. But the results are worth it.
Sometimes the things that you normally do doesn’t exactly float your boat… It doesn’t mean you are depressed. Maybe you need a break.
Sometimes what use to be your motivation no longer holds the same value… It doesn’t mean that you are not motivated…
Sometimes you get frustrated… And its ok. Maybe you need a break… We all need that every now and then especially during these times. Just ensure frustration does not cripple you.
I am almost certain that we did not plan for the woes that came with 2020. The happenings of the year broke most of us, it took so many things and love ones from us. For me it will forever be lodge in history.
So with bated breath, we look towards 2021, careful not to place too much hope in it, out of fear. Which is understandable. But as humans we hope. We hope for things to change, we hope that when the sun rises in the ski revealing the first morning of the new year something pure will happen. That the dust of 2020 will just stay only in 2020.
The reality is the woes that were prevalent in 2020 will come with us for a time in the coming year. But we hope… That as the days pass normalcy we returned.
Although 2020 was a turbulent year I’m sure most of us can honestly say we learnt something new about ourselves, we discovered some hidden talent and we have all engaged in something we longed to do but time was lacking…
As We hope for a better year never for get what 2020 has thought us… How to survive inspire of the odds… The year 2020
One of the most popular “bush” tea in Jamaica is the cerasee tea. One of the most notable thing about this tea is how bitter it is and also leaves that taste lingering in your mouth for a while. Like this tea, situations in life can be just as unpleasant.You have a choice though, you can choose only to remember the unpleasant moment, or, you can take the lesson it has to offer.
Every moment in your life is, or can be a teachable one, it all depends on how you look at it. The reality is not everyday of you life will be filled with smooth sailing and happiness, but it does not mean that your entire life will be full of hardships either.
Life is a mixture of things, mixture of different moments. It is filled with joy, happiness, sadness, heartbreak, Love, laughter, betrayal, peace, bitter moments, sweet moments and a lot more. But all of these combine the make life interesting, fun and unpredictable. Remember always that life is a gift, live life, love life and laugh hard.
It was Lewis B. Smedes who said “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you”. In this world it is so easy to hold onto the hurt, the betrayal and the anger instead of letting go. As I put pen to paper to make my jottings, I recognize how easy it is to actually write or even say these words as opposed to doing it. But considering the benefits and freedom that comes with forgiving its worth taking the risk to try it.
Unforgiveness
While it may seem as though you have won by haboring unforgiveness, but you are actually loosing. You are involuntarily giving you heart more room to entertain hatred. You are also giving the person or persons who hurt you the permission to live in your heart. Carolyn Miller stated “Unforgiveness is a poison that shrivels the heart. It means a person cannot truly live in the present as they’re always thinking about the past”. The past is very important, but to constantly live in it and having it dictate your life is not acceptable.
When you forgive a person its not about them, it’s about you and your hearts. Its for you to be free, heal and grow. Conquer hate, never let hate conquer you.
In my heart of hearts, I believe that God lines up destiny and he align moments perfectly. A while back I met a doctor and my first impression was not good, it pretty much left a bitter taste in my mouth. While everyone would voice how much of a good person this doctor was, I remain too hooked on the past to even give the doctor the time of day to redeem himself. For a short time I was very petty.
Recently, I had another impression of this doctor, after I decided to move pass the incident and try to see the “good” in him. I can firmly say I am happy I did. He is a doctor who actually listens, take advise and is extremely thorough in is job, and as a health care worker this is well appreciated.
They say first impression last and I do believe this but I also believe that second impressions are important too and can be just as lasting.
Take a second look. Second impressions are just as good.
Just like that an ordinary Monday morning becomes one of the worst day of your life! I have always been anxious when someone says “we need to talk” or “I have something to tell you”. Then you have to wait a very long time to actually hear what they have to say. That was exactly what happened to me on Sunday night into Monday. Being told someone needed to speak with me “urgently” and I had to wait eight (8) long hours before hearing. So I had to sit, and constantly go through the archive of my mind, retracing my steps to see where I went wrong or messed up
The Nightmare Begins
It was about 7:35am Monday morning when I got the awful news. As the ICN revealed the “urgent” news I stared at her in awe. Too shocked to move and no words to speak. The very thing I dreaded was now in my very lap. The apologies came,but for me it was utterly meaningless brcause apologies cannot erase or undo what had been done. The game plan I had for this situation had not yet been fully completely and as such i had to reorganize my plans to facilitate this misfortune.
The Waiting Game
The wait begins now, as I make my daily dairy log. Checking my temperature and for any symptoms that may develop. Anxiously awaiting my swab date, to undergo a procedure I have always dreaded. But I trust God who is the author and finisher of my faith.
inside her broken mind 